away = a way?

i have been away for quite some time, in more ways than one.
i've sort of retreated from life in some (many?) ways, concentrating my scant energies on a few people and situations that are somewhat positive right now.
maybe it's because i don't feel i have anything to offer, so, instead i offer nothing. i don't want to disappoint, so i try not to set myself up to disappoint or let others down... but even still, i let others down.
i could do a whole lot more, and for a lot more people, but...
but what?
i'm a nobody with very little to offer anyone else. yeah, i DO have some things to offer, but it seems that without some other qualities and conditions, it's just not good enough.
i know i shouldn't come down hard on myself, but it's sometimes hard not to when i try to see myself as other might see me. i'm not cool with a lot of things about myself, so why should anyone else be?
but i'm trying to do better, and not disappoint other people, and to be a good friend to as many as i can be, though it's not as many as i'd like...
i know i've wronged some people, and/or generally just not gotten back in contact with them, and for that i am deeply sorry. but i do want to reach out and at least try more, because life isn't really so bad, and it would be nice to get some new/old perspectives.
i just... don't want to be the asshole, the slacker, the incompetent son/friend/brother/employee that no one can trust or depend on or that is in whatever way embarrassing to them. i don't even know exactly...
i can't help who and what i am fundamentally, though i may try to change it. i don't want people to get the wrong idea about me, but i don't know what the 'right' idea about me would look like.
i just feel kinda like the bad guy in most situations... like i'm not doing enough or saying the right things or helping out with whatever's going on or being supportive enough or achieving amazing things in my own life. i feel like in many situations that my opinions don't really matter and people are just humoring me or bearing with me until they can do their own thing apart from me, or i'm just getting in the way or something.
this entry still seems as true today as the day i wrote it.
what's wrong with me?