even more words...

this is a window into my life, thoughts, and feelings, but one made of very distorted glass, surely.
can anyone know how i feel from what i say? like i said in my last entry, words fail. i could tell you about loneliness, but would that convey the intricacies of the emotion as it feels to me? certainly not.
so maybe this is why i haven't talked much to certain people, or when i have, i've said very little of substance or interest. i'm not sure i'm understood to any great degree. yes, there are those who claim to know me better than i know myself, but i'm not sure i can believe that.
you don't know what it's like to be me.
i could tell you, but those that need to know more cannot, and those that know enough think they know more than they actually do. does this make any sense? do i?
i don't really care, either way, because i'm sure i won't get a slew of emails or notes asking me for clarification or engaging me in an interesting philosophical discussion about this whole thing.
i can't help but view my world through my own perceptions (clouded as they are with vestiges of my life), and think things out with my own mind. i am trapped in here, with no way to send a message that might not be misinterpretted.
and what would anyone do or say anyway? it's not like anyone else has a much better grasp of being me than i do. i know everyone has their own problems, and they don't have time to even think about mine, and that's understandable and fine. anyway, most of the usual responses sound entirely too cliche to my jaded ears.
jaded, yes, i think that is a good adjective to describe myself over the past year. lonely, depressed, yet still somewhat optimistic... all of that is true also, but at the heart of everything, i feel jaded.
i could just move away, finding a new place to call home for awhile, trying to find new friends or something, but no one can run from their Self. any problems i have or may have must be resolved myself, and just going away distracts from solving the problem.
i'm not even sure what the problem IS.
i just feel out of place, meaningless, and jaded.